Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Let The Battle Commence...
The Podgy Princess, woke as the alarm ran, she quickly shut the annoying little device up, cursed a few expletives and snuggled back down in her cosy fluffy quilt and filled her head with daydreams of her very own Prince Charming. She could hear the noise that heralded the rise of the small subjects and quickly stuck her head below the pillow and contemplated suffocating herself with it for 3 nanoseconds. The time had come there was no more respite to be offered from the warm cosy bed the royal day had officially begun.
The Podgy Princess swung her considerable thighs along with her very dainty Princess like feet over the edge of the bed and sighed. "Something has simply got to be done about this" the princess muttered to no one in-particular "One can not simply carry on being so damn podgy. The Podgy Princess often could be found chattering to herself, this was for a couple of reasons, one the Podgy Princess was rather a chatter box, and two living in the house with the small subjects she generally found that no one usually listened to her anyway.
She waddled to the bathroom, and scowled at the scales, they rarely seemed to offer her any good new these days. She took a deep breath and stood on the scales "oh bugger". She then quickly stepped off frowned thought for a second, then had a wee, brushed her hair, undressed and took another deep breath, then blew all the air for her lungs and then stood on the scales once more, just incase the 3mls of wee, the 18 loose hairs and the t-shirt and considerable sized knickers could make any real difference to how heavy she was. "Oh poo!" no difference.
This wasn't really news to the Podgy Princess since she had started courting Prince Charming she had managed to regain some the weight that she had slain in her last battle of the bulge, and clothes that had been hanging off her curvy hips were now a tad on the tight side. She had been brave and sent for royal approval a pile of delicious nutritious meal replacement products, and today was the day that she was going to finally open the box!
The podgy princess chose a chocolate bar for breakfast - it was quick and easy and with the 4 small subjects all home for the day as the castle had been snow bound overnight and could not get the small subjects off to school for the day. She chose a Milk Chocolate Trufa bar. It was OK not brilliant and certainly not a rival for a non diet chocolate bar, but edible and stopped the Podgy Princess feeling hungry.
There was some rather splendid and simple guidance from the diet company in the box, and the Podgy Princess read it and was filled with good intentions.
Lunch time came and went and bar a chat with the soave and rather lovely if on the mature side Prince Charming nothing much happened. She couldn't quite get the enthusiasm that she needed to go back to the big brown box and find something else to eat. Following many displacement activities and feeding and attending to the needs of the small subjects the day passed in a blur, of not much fluids and extreme will power for the Podgy Princess not to eat any of the chips that she made for the small subjects, a hush of sorts fell on the royal kingdom, well apart from the sound of the Podgy Princess shouting up the stairs to the small subjects that it really now was time for them to go to sleep.
The time had come, she really could not put it off any longer, as it was Prince Charming was going to have words about the fact that she only had managed to have 2 of the 3 permitted meals and had not done just as well as she really needs to do on the drinking water front either. She went to the box put her graceful little princess sized hands and wrist, along with the not so graceful podgy arm into the box of delights and pulled out a vegetable soup sachet. She mixed it well and followed the instructions.
She suddenly felt a strange sensation - hope! It didn't smell bad at all. It didn't even look grey or lumpy. She carried the mug which made her smile - it had a huge very yummy looking cupcake on it. She sat down and let the boiling liquid cool. She played a few games on her phone, she tried to put the moment off, but then thought that cold disgusting soup has to be worse than hot disgusting soup right?
She lifted the mug down, it was thick.....she stirred the mug, and thought oh look it looks and smells like hospital soup. She really didn't know if she could do this, but she had promised that she would try and fit into the gown that she wore the first time Prince Charming had saw her for their anniversary date, which was still 4 months away so a very achievable goal. She stirred the mug, stuck the spoon and and tasted the liquid. It was pleasant! Well perhaps that was pushing it a little but it certainly was OK.
"I can do this" she muttered to the dog, "I really can"